"Alice, I Think" by Susan Juby

Rating: 2

Description: I grew up in one of those loving families that fails to prepare a person for real life... A few weeks into first grade Alice's parents took her out of school and have taught her at home ever since. Now she's about to enter high school, with the stated goal of boosting the self-esteem of her counselor, Death Lord Bob. Bob is happy now. But what about Alice? Will she be able to interact with people her own age who are not home-based learners? Will she be able to survive some sort of boy-girl interaction? Or is this best left until after high school? Until middle age? What about a unique and innovative career path? A new look? (This must, like career choice, reflect uniqueness.) Alice, I Think is the story of a teenager attempting to survive her parents, her hometown, and her reentry into society.

Note: This description is blatantly ripped off the inside of the book jacket. I was too apathetic to write my own.

Review: The first few pages of the book, describing Alice's failed entry into first grade, are good. Then Alice grows up, and it all goes downhill. "Alice, I Think" is mildly interesting, at best. There is a severe lack of plot, and Alice is the embodiment of the stereotypical selfish teenager we all hope we aren't. MacGregor, Alice's nine-year-old brother, kicks ass. I wish the book were written from his point of view, because at least he is mature and seems to care about something other than himself (his family and his fish). Alice's one redeeming quality is that she adores MacGregor and turns to him for advice, but her self-centeredness and idiocy make me want to hit her. Hard. Repeatedly. I don't know how she manages to snag such a decent-sounding boy at the end. I have a hard time believing that this book is as acclaimed as it is, by both professional reviewers and readers. "Alice, I Think" could be good if Alice weren't in it. Unfortunately, without Alice, there would be no book. Try again, Susan. Better luck next time.